Motivation

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Written by Amandita Sullivan
Brought to you by: Hope for Disabilities

"GOOD THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN" is my mantra.  I whisper it upon waking up, while at the doctors receiving bad news, as I battle through one of my daily skull-crushing migraines, when "it's another Saturday night and I aint got nobody" (like tonight lol) and as I lay me down to sleep. Despite what the scoreboard reads, en el fondo de mi corazoncito - in the bottom of my heart - I know that the best REALLY is yet to come.

Whenever people hear my story, they want me to curse the world and stomp on the grave of the man who did this to me. They demand the names and numbers of whomever has hurt me, disrespected me, made me cry or temporarily stolen my smile. I'm expected to despise my life. I'm supposed to not want to get out of bed to face the day. I should assume men do not want to date me. My spirits should be low and my confidence even lower. No one would blame me for keeping my sadness up and my head down. But, that's not how Sully "rolls" ...

I made a very conscious decision in the weeks after my accident. I chose to LOVE my LIFE, even though I may not like my CIRCUMSTANCES. If I don't love my life, then I can never fully love myself. And if I don't love myself, how can I expect anyone else to love me?? This came with the realization that complaining will NOT improve anything. Transforming into Negative Nelly will not magically allow me to run. Holding grudges against "the powers that be" will certainly not empower me. As a matter of fact, whining worsens a bad situation by allowing a person to chose victim-mentality over hero-mentality. A broken spirit is way more disabling than a broken body and almost impossible to cure. So, DO NOT let this happen to you!! We create our reality through our THOUGHTS alone. By thinking positive thoughts & surrounding yourself with like-minded people, you will become unstoppable~ I PROMISE YOU!! By adopting "The Good Things Are Going To Happen Mentality", wonderful situations will begin unfolding before your eyes and beautiful people will walk, crutch and wheel into your life.

On the way out of the hospital one day, my Mom parked my wheelchair in the sun so she could go get the car. A frail little lady, also in a wheelchair, was left in the same strip of sunlight, as well, by her handicap van driver.

Her arm was in a sling and her big brown eyes were welled-up with tears. She informed me that her name was Susan and asked what I had done to myself. After explaining that I was struck by a car, I asked Susan what happened to her. "I have cancer. =( =( ", she said, "But it's treatable... " Her voice trembled and trailed off.

This beautiful lady wanted to know exactly what the doctors told me at my most-recent medical evaluation & what they had been saying about my situation & my recovery in general. I responded very honestly,"Susan, it doesn't matter what the doctors say. We can never EVER base our recovery nor our happiness and optimism on the words that THEY chose to define US. What truly matters is how you feel in your heart. My heart knows I will be fine. This way, I let my heart define me, not my body. This is our unique opportunity to let our hearts transcend our bodies. "

Overcome with emotion, Susan wheeled herself next to me and embraced me. Through tears she whispered, "Amanda, it is like God put you in my path right now, in this little shared strip of sunlight, at the EXACT moment that I needed to hear those exact words. THANK YOU..."

I repeated the quote that I placed in my Facebook status earlier that morning, because it was fresh in my mind:

"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." Susan stopped crying, wiped the tears from her cheeks and a bright smile exploded across her face. As we said our goodbyes, I reminded Susan that that it's up to us to keep the candle in our souls burning because that very candle will curse the darkness of our situations down the road. How bright our spiritual flames will burn is determined by US, not by our situations. And, "it only takes ONE candle to curse the darkness." Had I not been injured and at the hospital, I would not have been placed directly in Susan's path. Hugging her made a lot of the drama of my past few months disappear.

This difficult journey, though something I would've NEVER chosen for myself, has been like a Graduate School for my soul. I've learned that Spiritual Strength (SS) is infinitely more important than physical strength. With time, SS heals ALL emotional wounds, thus transforming a would-be victim into A WARRIOR!

My heart is opened to whatever The Universe wishes to teach me while I fight towards my full recovery. This new wave of inspiration has flooded my being so greatly that I almost feel badly for the times I've been frustrated with the crutches and the wheelchair. Focusing on what I can NOT do upsets me every time. I am now maintaining my focus on everything I CAN DO. And, low and behold, I am pretty amazing!! Who knew?? I bet you are, too (you just don't realize it yet). I'm excited to be a part of something EPIC, which is already teaching me more about pain, struggle, heartbreak, hope, determination, inspiration, life and love than I could have ever learned otherwise.

The key to TRUE HAPPINESS lies in keeping your heart opened to all of the lessons that the Universe is trying to teach you with each new experience. This holds true especially during the most trying times of our lives: When the chips are down, the bills are piling up, your back's against the wall & instinct is telling you to protect yourself by closing up to everyone around you. So, keep SMILING when you want to cry. Practice GRATITUDE. Search for the UNIQUE lessons to be learned through adversity. Let your soul overflow with HOPE, LOVE & LAUGHTER! As a result, a spark will IGNITE within your soul cursing the darkness and illuminating an INSPIRED path amongst the rubble of your troubles.

Brought to you by Hope for Disabilities

Don't Stop ~ Get it, Get it...

Written by:  Amandita Sullivan
 www.facebook.com/amanditasullivan

Whenever I have a long night of not being able to sleep because my body is killing me, I take a look at something like this: The final page of my accident report, with some extra notes added onto it. Reading the last line of this paragraph is scary, as is the thought that the driver was in a position/condition in which he had no idea he was operating the vehicle with a person on the trunk of his car. They say that, "he is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." Even though things have been less than ideal since, that day could have ended much differently for me (and not in a good way). Focusing on my multiple blessings makes me feel fortunate and beyond grateful that I'm in one piece today. Let's be honest: Having to fight your way to the top of any mountain stinks. But, once I get there, all the sleepless nights, tears, pain and struggle will have been worth it. So today I've got my eye on the NYC Marathon that I will be running someday. I can almost feel how exhilarating & empowering crossing the finish line is going to be =)

I HAVE FEARED BEING LABELED 'DISABLED

"he offered to pay me $20 bucks to not call the police & then left me for dead"

In the past, it has given me great Serenity to hear that my loved ones "don't see me as disabled." I have been called "a crippled b*tch" by heartless girls. I've had cabs stolen from me in the rain by able-bodied people who waited for me to catch the cab & then, as I struggled to crutch towards the door, ran in front of me & took it. I dated a boy who's parents, after meeting me, told him that "he deserved better than a crippled girl" & that "it was obvious that he was settling with someone who's disabled." I FEARED HOW PEOPLE VIEWED ME. I wanted desperately to be THE OLD ME: To run, skip, jump, hop, dance, swim, boogaloo, slip-n-slide, sprint stairs at the HS stadium, drive, go on adventures, rock climb, surf, pick up my niece & nephew, wear heels & pants that fit with a huge knee brace. I was riddled by guilt because the children I had picked out to be in an orphanage in Mexico City (which was to open March 1, 2009) are now lost in the streets bc I was unable to be there to finish setting up the shelter. The family of the 81 year old man- who hit me, offered to pay me $20 bucks to not call the police & then left me for dead- blame ME for his death 9 months afterwards. The man had a heart condition & his family contends that all the stress of what he did to me "did him in". I am broken-hearten over missing my cousin, Christy's, wedding this weekend in CT (my doctors have ordered me to bed rest again). I have missed college, HS & study abroad reunions. I have had migraines that lasted for days and left me hemorrhaging (blood and cerebrospinal fluid) from my ears and my nose. I have gone to the Emergency Room more in the last 2.5 years than I have gone out and had fun. I have done double sessions of Physical Therapy 3xs a week for over two years. I have cried myself to sleep more times than I could ever count. My baby niece refers to any crutches as "Mandy" and it dawned on me that neither my niece nor nephew remember me any other way than injured. I have met more inspirational people in the last few years than I ever imagined possible. I have ridden on the back of a moving vehicle with a driver who had NO IDEA I was on his car & and lived to tell the tale. If I had landed a different way upon hitting the street, the disks in my Thoracic spine which are impinging (poking) my spinal cord could have sunken further into my spinal cord & left me quadriplegic. ** I AM BLESSED ** I have numerous traumatic brain injuries and can still form sentences. I am surrounded by the love of my friends and family. I feel a burning desire inside of me to someday share the lessons this nightmare has taught me with the world. I have discovered that life is more about a series of ATTITUDES, as opposed to a series of CIRCUMSTANCES. I am infinitely stronger than I ever imagined. I have the cutest little Jewish Neurologist from Brooklyn who makes me want to hug him every time he speaks, even when he's giving me bad news. I recognize the light in EVERYONE I cross paths with. I have eliminated all negativity from my life & only welcome positive energy. I can not control the past but am controlling what I will do with it. I am BETTER than the old me: I am stronger, more focused, more driven, more appreciative, more loving, more hugging, more dreaming- My heart broke in early 2009 along with my body, but I kept it opened and it has GROWN & is now overflowing with love for everything around me. I have gone to the beach and watched the sunset over the water, something I dreamed of doing for the year+ that I was in bed for. I had a team of dragonflies land on me while sitting in the sand & discovered that dragonflies are NATIVE AMERICAN symbols of hope, strength in the face of adversity, endurance, rebirth & rejuvenation. I left the beach crying one day after seeing everyone around me doing everything at once that I wish I could do, only to force myself back to the beach the next cloudy day. I wore a hat down low & was on the verge of tears. I didn't want anyone to look at me because I felt very aware of how DIFFERENT my body was from theirs. My twin brother, Ryan, took a picture of me with the cloudy sky in the background & we were BLOWN AWAY when we saw the pictures: The dark, cloudy SKY was opening up above me and a bright, vibrant light was shining through and touching me in every picture (shown here). I knew my angels were sending me a message that "EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY". I want you to see me for WHO I am today. I am disabled. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am indestructible. I am determined to not let my physical limitations hold me back. I want you to think of me when you see someone wheeling themselves, crutching or caning themselves through life. I want you to realize that THEY, I mean WE, are no LESS than YOU because we are DIFFERENT. Every wheelchair, crutch and cane has a story and a HERO behind it. Our society should EMBRACE this inspiration instead of constantly shunning it. I am a spiritually-remodeled version of my pre-accident self. I REFUSE to stop fighting towards my COMPLETE recovery. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!! In the meanwhile, I am learning a plethora of lessons from this debacle & hope that no one ever has to experience first-hand what the last few years have been like for me. But, they DO say that pressure MAKES diamonds. And what girl doesn't love Diamonds, right?!?! I will proudly wear these $piritual Diamonds as the new jewelry of my soul during my healing process and long after my recovery is complete. My wheelchair may not have hot rims but my soul is most certainly bling-blingin these days... and that makes this girl smile =)
Brought to you by Hope 4 Disabilities

Written by Amandita Sullivan http://www.facebook.com/AmanditaSullivan

Grounhog Day: Being a Caregiver

Today I have found myself reflecting on all the things that my husband (Stewart) does as my caregiver.  He is an amazing person and I very blessed to have him in my life.  We have been married 13 years now. 

Stewart's morning starts out 5:00 a.m. getting out of bed and getting ready for work.  Then he gets my morning pills together along with my cranberry juice mixed with a laxative and brings it into me to take before he leaves.  He apply's a patch on my back that is a medicine used for early onset Alzheimer's.  No, I don't have Alzheimer's but I do have Multiple Sclerosis (diagnosed 15 years ago) which can have terrible problems with cognitive abilities.  The patch really does work by way. 

Stewart works hard all day and makes a really nice living.  Again like I said before I have been very blessed to be married to him and have him as my caregiver.  He is kind, considerate (most of the time) :o), strong and very smart.  He has learned and understands the fine line between being a caregiver and a husband.  The two are very different from each other and when they get intertwined it can get very messy.  A caregiver has different duties then what the norm is for your spouse.

Back to my story.  Now, it is time for him to come home from work.  He sits in traffic for about an hour before he arrives home.  He comes gives me kiss, pets the kitties and right away starts making our dinner.  You can see that he still hasent stopped since he left in the morning.  Go, go, go is his motto, well not really but it should be because that's all he does from a.m. to p.m.  After dinner is finished he cleans up the kitchen and prepares my evening pills.  After that he is able to rest for a little while before bed.  At that time he gets maybe an hour or so to be my husband before he turns back into a pumpkin oh I mean caregiver. lol lol  It just doesn't stop for him.  After is time to chill he still has to go get his clothes ready for work the next day, make the coffee and clean the cat box.  It's another Groundhog day all over again.  Wow, just writing this I'm realizing really how much he does in his day! No wonder he is always so exhausted and says that he cannot add one more thing to his plate!  I do actually realize most this to a point but I'm not in his shoes to know exactly how or what he is feeling, most of the time he says he is fine.

You are probably wondering where I am in this marriage.  I stay home all day not able to drive much and work on Hope 4 Disabilities.  I do laundry when I can, clean up and organize my house and help out where ever I can.  A lot of days I just can hardly move due to extreme fatigue, cognitive problems with memory and terrible pain in my back and a lot of times all over my body.  Sooo because of all this I cannot be me at least the me that I used to know.  Ok,  that's a story for another time.

Stewart, to the best of his ability's helps me live a full life.  I have so much to be thankful for and I am also thankful that the good Lord is with me and helps me get through my days.  Well, it's time to start the day all over again

 Thank you Stewart for loving me for me!
 Well that's just about it, at least what I can remember. lol lol

Multiple sclerosis: Origin of abnormal cells found

UC DAVIS (US) — Researchers have discovered the source of cells involved in a phenomenon seen in the brains and spinal cords of people with multiple sclerosis and Alzheimer’s disease.

Known as reactive astrogliosis, the condition is characterized by a large number of enlarged star-shaped cells. In multiple sclerosis, these abnormal cells are found in plaques that damage the myelin sheath that surrounds neurons, impairing their signaling function.
The new study offers the first firm evidence to date that, at least in the case of multiple sclerosis, the cells are descendant from normal astrocytes.

“This may not hold true for all diseases, but, in the case of MS, we have a very robust model,” says David Pleasure, professor of neurology at the University of California, Davis.
The findings, published in the Journal of Neuroscience, used genetic fate-mapping techniques in a mouse model to show that reactive astroglial cells in the MS model were derived from normal astrocytes that had increased in size and number.

The findings are significant because the neurological diseases and injuries in which the phenomenon occurs are also ones for which there are no effective cures.
Knowing the origin of the cells, scientists can now compare normal astrocytes with the ones associated with disease and try to figure out what has gone awry.

In multiple sclerosis, these abnormal cells are found in and around plaques in the brain and spinal cord, where there is evidence of damage to myelin sheaths and axons. In patients with Alzheimer’s disease or after recurrent head trauma, these abnormal cells are scattered throughout the brain.
“Some say these cells are ‘bad guys’ that contribute to the pathology of diseases. Some say they are ‘good guys’ trying to support the neurons under adverse conditions.”

The current study does not settle that controversy, but it is an important step in that direction and in the search for cures, Pleasure adds.

MS is an autoimmune disease in which a person’s own disease-fighting mechanisms attack neurons in the central nervous system, destroying the myelin and, to some degree, the axon—the long, slender projection of the nerve cell. The disease is characterized initially by episodes of reversible neurologic deficits. In most patients, these episodes are followed by progressive neurologic deterioration over time. The cause of the disease is unknown.

Normal astrocytes, collectively called astroglia, are the “helper cells” of the central nervous system, offering biochemical support and providing nutrients to neurons found in the brain and spinal cord. Until now, scientists did not know whether the cells found in demyelinating plaques came from other neurological cell types, as at least one study had suggested, or from normal astrocytes.

Fuzheng Guo, the study’s first author and a postdoctoral fellow in Pleasure’s lab, led the team that conducted the experiments for the current study. The team used genetically engineered mice whose astrocytes express enhanced yellow fluorescent protein when injected with tamoxifen, a synthetic form of the hormone estrogen.

Researchers injected these two- to five-month-old mice with tamoxifen and, 30 to 40 days later, injected them with a protein that causes experimental autoimmune encephalomyelitis, a widely used model for MS. Control mice received sham injections. At regular intervals, the team scored the severity of the multiple sclerosis-like symptoms, such as limping.

The idea was to determine what happened to the normal astrocytes—as well as any cells that might descend from them via cell division—as the animals developed the disease.

At the end of the experiment, the team counted and measured astroglial cells in both diseased and control mice. They found, in the gray matter of the brain and spinal cord, only an increase in cell size. In the white matter, they found both an increase in size and number of astrocytes.

The team also conducted similar experiments tracking the fate of other neurological cell types, including oligodendrocyte progentior cells (which give rise to oligodendrocytes that insulate axons) and ependymal cells (which line the cerebral ventricles).

According to Pleasure, the current study will help to guide the search for a cure for MS and other diseases involving demyelination. His lab and others are now repeating these experiments using models of other diseases. They also are taking a closer look at the potential role of astrocytes in those diseases.

“Now, we can, among other things, carefully compare normal and reactive astrocytes to understand what specific changes are happening and then get an idea if those changes are likely to be detrimental or supportive to neurons.”

The research was supported by grants from the National Institutes of Health, the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, Shriners Hospitals for Children, and the California Institute for Regenerative Medicine.
More news from UC Davis: www.news.ucdavis.edu/

@heidijswenson @mydisability @hope4disabiliti @chadbordes