MRI's are Scary: Don't You Think?

Being inserted in an MRI machine

How did I cope being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis?
For me this one question, "How did I cope being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis"? does not have an easy answer.  As I reflect back to that time when I had my first symptom I had felt a very strange feeling on my rear on the left side.  At the time I could not even describe the feeling.  It just felt like there was a big whole, now I know that it was numbness.  This was on a Thursday night.

The next day it started going down my left leg straight into the foot.  My left foot felt huge likes an elephant foot but when I looked it down, I saw just my foot.  I had to work that Friday and I always wore high heals with my suits, well that day I had to were some ridiculous flats that I had.  It did not go well I really needed to sit down but I couldn’t because I could not let this interfere with my career.  My boss kept asking me if I was OK, he was worried and told me that he was going to send me to the emergency room to get looked at. That was on a Friday.

Sunday I went to a different one and then back to work on Monday but my boss sent me to a different emergency room.  At all three visits they found nothing.  I was tested for upper GI stuff and basically everything under the sun.  The doctors were very puzzled and could not understand it, which made me feel very isolated and alone.  What was wrong with me?  At the third visit on doctor came to me and said the only thing he could think of what that if I had some numbness maybe it was neurological thing and that I should find a neurologist.

Now at that time I never heard of a neurologist I asked if the doctor could refer me but he could not for whatever reason.  I guess the first thing I did was go home and lay down so I would not get a serious headache and wait for the pain of the spinal tap to go away.  At this point I had not yet been diagnosed with MS my doctor was checking for viruses.  My doctor said that viruses could mimic many things so he need to be sure, but my symptoms all led down the road to Multiple Sclerosis. 

A week later I went back to the neurologist and he confirmed his suspicions that I had Multiple Sclerosis but he wanted an MRI to seal the deal I guess.  So that afternoon I went and had my first MRI.

Now there is a funny to tell about my experience.  About 3 weeks prior to the MRI I went and had my bellybutton pierced (not knowing that I would have to undergo an MRI). You cannot have metal on you during the test so I had to take it out.  I was so worried that I would not be able to get it in that when I was in the dressing room putting on my gown I called the piercing place, told them what was going on and if they would put it back in for me.  So after my MRI I went to Pacific Beach, Ca and had the technician insert my piercing one more time.  I was so glad that I did this because I was terrified of putting it through the sore skin.  So I was like so happy and now nervous of what was a head of me.

I had never seen an MRI machine except on TV and what I had seen was a tiny hole that I could not see how I or anyone else could fit into.  I walked into the room; it was very cold and very sterile and very white.  The MRI machine looked very intimidating and loud.  The technician had me lay down on the long thin table that goes into the machine and covered me up with warm blankets.  Do you want some headphones to listen to music she asked and I was thinking how odd to ask me such a question.  Did this mean I would be in that thing for a long time?  She explained that the machine gets this loud knocking sound and can be a little scary.  Well once she had put this brace thing on my head and locked it down into the table I started to freak out.  Total anxiety!  Please I told her let me where the headphones so I would be able to relax.  My neurologist did prescribe a pill that would help me with what I was feeling it’s just it had not kicked yet.  So anyway, the technician left me alone on the table and left the room to watch me through a window.  OK I’m lying there wandering what is going to happen next and the table started to move backward.  All I could think of was to start praying and ask for deliverance of this experience.  The table kept sliding backwards and seemed to never stop until I was all the way in.  I was so afraid to open my eyes and when I did I really regretted it because I could see how small and tight it was inside and it was so bright.  I had my headphones listening to top 40 radio, my medicine was kicking in and I was starting to relax thinking this wasn’t so bad.  Well wrong thinking!  There was more to this experience!  The machine sounded as if it was being hit really hard on both of it’s sides and started to shake.  I started praying again and then fell a sleep, which was good; I did not have to live through the battle that the MRI machine seemed to be having.  Once in a while I would hear a voice telling me to be still and not move my head, the voice sounded so far away like I was in spaceship or something.  After awhile the table started to move forward and the sounds had stopped and I was trying to wake up from the grogginess of the drug, but it was very difficult.  “How was it? It’s so bad is it?  The technician said to me and I was no way in agreement.

Cute little guy isn't he?

I never wanted to do that ever again in my life defiantly not knowing that I would have to repeat this test every 6 months to a year for the rest of my life.  A week later I went back to see my neurologist because the test results were in.  As I sat in his office his voice seemed so far away while he was telling me that I had this neurological disease called Multiple Sclerosis. I was thinking, “What is Multiple Sclerosis anyway?  I was trying hard to hear him but it had seemed like my mind did not want to hear what he was telling me.  Of course no one wants to sit there and have a doctor tell him or her that they have some crazy disease.  What is that?  I did not know that was for sure!  After the doctor had finished explaining the diagnosis to me I left.  I remember feeling so alone, I did not know anyone who had this disease.  I asked myself the question, “What now, what am I supposed to do with this information”?  I had no idea.  So I did what I think a lot of people do is to ignore it and go on with my life.  Ah denial is great isn't it? My left foot was numb and tingly all the way up to my hip but who cares I could still walk and I had my whole right side, which was fine, right?

As I reflect back to that time when it all happened I realize how far I have come over the last 15 years.  Life has had its ups and down but I am still here!

Please excuse me if there is any sentence or grammar issues.  Sometimes my brain just does not want to cooperate. :0)